Entertainment / Politics

I Read Hillary Clinton’s Memoir So You Wouldn’t Have To (And Yes, My Head Still Hurts)

Hillary Clinton electionWell, folks, it’s officially hit the shelves: Hillary Clinton’s latest book, which may as well just be dubbed “The Comprehensive Guide to Not Taking Responsibility for Anything, Ever”. The memoir, entitled What Happened, was released by publisher Simon & Schuster on Tuesday.

Back in August I wrote a brief review of the excerpt Clinton’s publisher had shared, in which I was less than impressed. But now that the memoir has been released in its entirety, I figured I’d give it a chance. Maybe it would surprise me and not be chock-full of whining and blame-shifting. Maybe Hillary would say something somewhat intelligent for once. Maybe she’d finally accept responsibility for her catastrophic failure of a presidential run.

Hey- a guy can dream, right?

So I sat down and mentally prepared myself to read What Happened. At first, I thought that to make the whole thing a bit less agonizing, I could make a game out of it and take a swig of vodka every time Hillary lied. I quickly realized this was a terrible idea, since I’d probably need my stomach pumped before the introduction was over.

The book with Clinton describing her feelings of regret over the way she handled her presidential run: “In this book, I write about moments from the campaign that I wish I could go back and do over”. She repeatedly promises to “let down [her] guard” in the following chapters and give readers the raw truth. Even while attempting to sound candid and honest, Clinton’s trademark insincerity emanates from the pages like noxious fumes from a dumpster fire.

She laments her poor campaign decisions, saying “If the Russians could hack my subconscious, they’d find a long list”. Is she trying to show us that she’s developed a sense of humor? Are we all just pretending this woman didn’t revert to a Ralph Lauren-clad lump of bitterness after the election, and that she’s suddenly cultivated the humility to laugh at herself now?

This is embarrassing. Let’s move on.

Clinton says that the presidential loss was on her and is something that she’ll “live with for the rest of [her] life”, yet proceeds to blame the media, James Comey, sexism, Russia, Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, and even the electoral system itself for thwarting her presidential dreams.

She then gets personal, describing her state of mind during the campaign and sharing some of her inner thoughts—a passage that’s disturbing, to say the least. Clinton, in her own words, was “tempted to make voodoo dolls of certain members of the press and Congress and stick them full of pins”. What a shame the American populace had the good sense not to elect someone so openly sadistic!

This book is yet another example of Hillary Clinton trying too hard to seem relatable and sincere (and failing, might I add)– her contrived vulnerability coming across as forced and phony. Her whole performance of this “I’m just like you!” role has always struck me as completely transparent, artificial, and strange.  It’s as if she’s an alien who’s been tasked with mimicking human behavior, but just can’t manage to figure it out.

As she spends the next segment rattling off the forces allegedly at blame for her election loss, I noticed something curious – Clinton, in her laundry list of villains, never once names anyone she actually should be pointing fingers at. She doesn’t go after John Podesta for his personal email leak. She doesn’t blame Debbie Wasserman Schultz for the chaos that erupted in the Democratic Party. She doesn’t talk about how she should have spent less time behind closed doors with her millionaire corporate donors and more time reaching out to people in states like Michigan and Wisconsin. She evades the truth, as usual.

As I neared the end, I found myself questioning the book’s purpose- why did Clinton write this? Who asked for this? Who exactly is the audience for this waste of paper? Clinton doesn’t reveal anything particularly fascinating, nor does she offer any new insight on the political process in America.  Everybody already knows why her campaign tanked, so what was the point of writing this book? In the author’s note, Clinton seems to articulate a statement of purpose, saying that “the lessons we draw from 2016 would help determine whether we can heal our democracy and protect it in the future”.

…okay. So, again, I ask you this, Hillary: who the hell is this book even for?

By the book’s conclusion, it was clear that Clinton had more or less penned the memoir not for her liberal followers, friends in Congress, legions of rabid supporters in blue states, or her political enemies, but rather for herself. That’s right: once again, Hillary Clinton manages to be completely self-serving under the guise of edifying others. (Can this woman ever change?)

Clinton wrote What Happened to comfort herself over her crushing loss and attempt to convince the rest of the country that she is somehow at peace with it all. Saying that she’s learned from her mistakes and that the election loss was her fault is nothing more than a sad attempt to give herself some sense of closure and control over the entire situation.

This is what it’s like to be inside the mind of an entitled bureaucrat desperately scrambling for political relevance.

Hillary Clinton is trying to capitalize on the worst campaign in American history. She is trying to profit off of her failure. She is manipulating the American public into thinking that she actually learned something from her trainwreck of a campaign, so that she may eventually use this newfound “wisdom” to make her way back into the national spotlight.

It’s time for all this to stop. America, let’s put the Clinton legacy to rest.

As I finished the last page of What Happened and closed the book, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. “At last!” I thought, “It’s over…it’s really over.”

Let’s hope we can finally say the same about Hillary Clinton’s political career.

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4 years ago

The double standered by our DOJ on this woman makes me sick! 4 people died because of her ineptness. Lied saying it was an uprising caused by a video. Then there’s the emails on her personal computer holding classified information! How about paying Russian contacts for the construction of a false dossier containing phony information. Who’s the calaborater?? And the FBI…. Hillary should be and needs to be spending time behind bars with the rest of the Obama cronies. Where the hell is the investigation into her? Come on A.G. Jeff Sessions! It is a two tier judicial system!

Annette Burgess
5 years ago

I think the only way we can win people over is with love. I feel sad for Hillary who bought into an ever increasing agenda that was all about power and sold her ideals of younger years to the liars of the Left. She is now reaping the results of her deceit and the false promises of “the end justifies the means” littered with the deaths of countless unborn children and enraged post-abortive women. I pray that she and those women may find Christ Jesus and allow Him to heal their souls. I pray that they will embrace the mercy Jesus has to offer them and become new persons, released of the false values of the Left, and renewed in spirit. I pay that they will return to the Love that is God and be one with us in spreading truth, mercy and and love to others. In Jesus Holy Name, Amem.

5 years ago

If a drinking game was held for ever time she told the truth, people would think your on the temperance wagon.

Betty Griffen
5 years ago

You forgot her latest blames….white people &, women who listened to their husbands. This book is for her ( she’s a slave to her greed ) but it also appears that she thinks she can manipulate the “people” to sympathize with poor, pitiful, remorseful, learned her lesson and changed for the good ( what ever is her version of good ) Hillary because the ” people” are so very stupid they will fall for this version of her…..have watched her for years and she has to be one of the most evil, soulless, manipulative, pathetic excuse for a human being on the planet !

O. Ryan Faust
5 years ago

Everything described above screams “sociopath”.

5 years ago

A funny and accurate piece, but C.M. Lopez missed another key reason why Hillary wrote the book: Collect a gratuity from the publisher to make-up for the dwindling, trickling-down bribes normally flowing into that scam front of a Clinton Foundation.

john donahue
5 years ago

well said!

5 years ago

Thank you for the sacrifice. I would not have read it anyway, but it is kind of you to verify what I thought she would say!

Mike B
5 years ago

Someone needs to ask Clinton “At this point, what does it matter?”.

5 years ago

Still talking about her with the help of the nutjob media . First should have the title of the book be LOSER period let’s move on America and Mr. President . This tit for tat like third graders is right up her alley . Much much more important issues to be dealt with .

Shirley Flatt
5 years ago

This is just what I imagined the book would be like. Thank you for reading it, and saving us the money, time and trouble. And I totally agree that she is profiting from her failure. Only a liberal would come up with that concept.

Coralyn Collins
5 years ago


5 years ago

Wonder if instead of donating to the Clinton crime family her supporters are required to buy her book.

Patricia A Swann
5 years ago

Thank you for your sacrifice in reading Clinton’s memoirs. I’m 88+ & remember her with Bill, sitting along side, lying as she played the “good wife”. Once incident after another. She is a most interesting character. I would read a truly honest, insightful book about her. Problem, she wouldn’t be honest in any interview. Basis for the book would require a lot of digging, am sure at the end, there would be a pony!

5 years ago

The cover of the book tells all. The Question — What Happened? — is answered by naming the author — Hillary Clinton. A person who has no moral compass other than greed for power and money.

5 years ago

Thank you so much for reading this piece of trash so that I wouldn’t have to…. hope her publisher loses a fortune off this book

5 years ago

I really wish I could agree with you about Madam Jezebel’s political career being over, but I can’t. In the words of Yogi Berra, “it ain’t over till it’s over,” and that won’t be true until Lucifer calls her home.

5 years ago

Hillary will NEVER admit the Truth.
Because she has never live in Truth.
She is a cancer on the Dem Party & they deserve her.

Maria Rose
5 years ago

Please make this the last time anyone has a discussion on Hillary

Ivan Berry
5 years ago
Reply to  Maria Rose

Maria Rose, sorry to have overlooked your comment yesterday. At last, a comment worth responding to: here, here, your wish is my wish. Thanks.

April Lankford
5 years ago

Thank you for reading it, because I wasn’t going to pay any money for it. Between your comments and what I’ve seen on the news (Fox News), I know all I need to know about her book. I believe she wrote this book to keep in the limelight. What else would she do with her life?

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